Oh Sh*t

Time: 9pm last night
Place: My living room
Scene: I am so excited for the Bachelor season finale. I have even finished my homework early just so I could finally have one night to just relax. I run to the bathroom before the show starts. The oven is heating for chocolate chip cookies - I'm going all out.

Then the toilet clogs.

"Bert, both toilets are clogged now and I swear I only used a little bit of toilet paper!"

Shortly thereafter, Bert gets the plunger and tries to go to work. We are both annoyed because our toilets have been giving us fits lately.

"Call the leasing agent - there is now sewage coming up in the bathtub!" says Bert.

I am freaking out.

I don't look at this bathroom or the other one, because I am afraid if I see sewage in the bathtub that I will be scarred for life.

I call the leasing agent, and 20 minutes later, she finally calls back. Bert tells her the situation, and she calls the plumbing place. Then, she calls back and tries to tell us that it probably can't be fixed until morning since they are all out on emergency calls.

I can tell she has said this, and I start going crazy. "NO! NO! NO!" I scream in the background. I am stuffing my face with cookies, not even enjoying them.

And I am barely catching what's going on as I halfway watch the show I have been waiting for all season.

Bert says he'll call her back.

I say there is NO FREAKING WAY someone is not coming out tonight. I said it is their problem, not mine, and they can deal with it. I don't CARE how much it costs to have an after hours plumber.

So, Bert calls her back. She starts asking questions, like if there might be hair in the drains.

Um, yeah. Due to the fact we bathe, YES!

So, I start screaming in the background again, "Deal with it! There's sh*t in the bathtub!"

My blood pressure must be sky high, and I can feel my heart pounding.

Finally, the plumber tells the leasing agent that the issue is coming from the main drain outside the house (aka NOT our fault), and they are not sure how long it would take them to find it in the dark. Could be several hours at $185 per hour. And the leasing agent is not going to pay that.

And so, at 11:00pm, we break down and pack our bags for the Holiday Inn Express. We are told that it will be STRONGLY RECOMMENDED we are reimbursed for our hotel expense.

WTF? How could we stay at our home with no working toilets and sh*t in the tub? And we were going to the Holiday Inn Express, not the Hilton. Give me a freaking break.

Anyway, this morning, it takes the plumber all of 5 minutes to locate and clean out the drain. Bert is at home now, dealing with the aftermath. He rinsed all the nasty away last night, so he has hot water and ammonia sitting in both tubs. Bless him.

And that, my friends, has been the past 14 hours of my life.