Reflections

Another September 11. Has it really been six years?

9/11 evokes different emotions in people...sadness, anger, hurt, confusion. And for some, the thought of 9/11 evokes rage. Rage at all people who call themselves Muslim. And by default, that means me.

My life drastically changed after that awful day. I remember hearing it on the radio as I drove to lunch at the sorority house. I remember the looks of disgust that some people gave me when I walked through the door. My heart sank. I felt sick. My life for the next two years was such a sad time. I felt hated. I felt scared of what people thought of me. Of course not everyone hated me...but I was so paranoid and felt so alone. I should've had more faith that my true friends still loved me and knew that my faith was not violent. I don't know why I let that atrocious act affect me the way it did. I wish I could give that girl a hug and tell her to be strong and hold her head up and show everyone what a true Muslim is.

From being purposely not invited to sleepovers in high school for not being Christian to being discriminated against at a former job, I have felt ostracized in a way that I thought was surely impossible in this day and age. I have a good friend who is Jewish and we have such similar stories...being on a date with someone and wishing fervently they wouldn't bring up religion or being one of the only people left in class when the yearbook FCA picture was made or even being told by someone you think is a friend that you are going to Hell. But we have both grown since then, proud of our faiths...glad to talk about them. Not so afraid to be different anymore. Loving that we're different.

A spiritual life is full of peaks and valleys. That is my belief, anyway...someone who really delves deep and craves a really meaningful connection with God...the journey will not be easy. And, oh, how my faith has been tested. Mama says that makes me stronger. And much of my strength is due to Bert. He taught me that it was OK - more than OK - to be me.

Thursday starts a month of fasting, the month of Ramadan. For the first time, I am looking forward to it. I don't see it as day after day of being hungry and tired. I see it as a chance to get renewed. A new Qu'ran sits on my bookshelf...the first ever English translation by a woman. I crave reading it. I crave praying. My heart is open.

September 11 makes me sad. It makes me angry at the people who tried to hijack my faith. I used to say "They hijacked my faith." But that's not really true. No one can take this away from me.

Labels: politics, religion