Hold The Pork

So, today I was invited to this luncheon in the reception area of my work. It was all white tablecloths and millionaires (millionaires that left toilet paper all over the bathroom floor and made fun of me for calling something 'rare,' but that's another story...) and they had enough food left over for the staff. I love going to receptions and breaking up the day, so I eagerly accepted the invitation.

I be-bopped on downstairs in my new gold jacket and had a seat, eager to try the delicacies in store. I took my seat and unfolded the neatly folded napkin on my lap. A Fellow Staff Member came over and announceed that it was pork tenderloin for lunch.

Vomit.

I asked him, "Did you say pork tenderloin?"
"Yes," he replied.
"OK, well I think I'm going to go upstairs and eat the lunch I brought because I don't eat pork."
Other Staff Member: "Oh, we wish you'd stay and eat salad, asparagus and dessert."
"No, that's OK. I don't eat pork for religious reasons," I said, hoping to re-iterate the fact that I.don't.eat.pork. I don't eat anything that touches pork. And I'm not asparagus' #1 fan. While that was sweet of my fellow staff member to try and get me to stay, I have had many experiences where people were not-so-nice and looked at me like I was missing out on the world's greatest food.

First of all, normally, I don't say "religious reasons" about not eating pork, but I've had it. In this day and age, I can't fathom pork being the only meat served at a function. I mean, many people don't eat pork for religious reasons...Jews and Muslims...and I know at least for Muslims that means anything that TOUCHES pork a.k.a. no, I can't just pick pepperonis off pizza and eat it. (Yes, I've been questioned on that before, oddly enough by a strange little girl whose father was Muslim, but that's also another story.)

Lots of people don't eat pork or any red meat for health reasons. Some people don't like pork. I just think pork is the last thing that should be the ONLY meal option. There should've been at least a vegetarian meal available. Oh well, this is the Deep South.

I know I'm ranting, but I just don't understand why people look at me like, "Poor her. She doesn't eat pork. She's missed out on ribs and pepperoni pizza all her life!"

Well, I accidentally tasted sausage once and it was gross. I do admit to knowingly eating an Oreo at age seven when they still had lard in them. I still feel guilty to this day. I truly do not "miss" pork, even though people like to say how sad they'd have been if they never had this or that.

And I really want to give props to the Jewish kosher people.

Without you, kosher people, I'd never have been able to have a hot dog at a hot dog stand in DC! I had the quintessential American experience because of the kosher dogs...all because of y'all!

Well, thank goodness for the Lean Cuisine in the freezer. And thanks to my fellow staffer who just brought me up a piece of cake. Yes, I dropped some on the floor, and yes I still ate it. Why? Because I'm hungry and my Lean Cuisine is still in the microwave.

And because I pick and choose what to get upset about. Pork as my only option at a meal? Yes. Cake on the floor? No way. I'm gonna eat my whole piece of cake...and nothing's going to stop me.

Special shout-outs to Amber and Lindsay who listened to me rant about this earlier today! Y'all are the best! :)