Ten Years Later...

It's been ten years, and I'm still mad at her.

Let's all go back in time to September 2, 1995. I doubt anyone else remembers that day with quite the clarity that I do. Each September 2, I pause and renew my grudge to "Marie." (No, that's not her real name.)

Let's see. I was a ninth grader, sitting in Mrs. Bentley's English class. The bell rang as the last class of the day came to an end, and I looked at the side chalkboard. We had free time at the end of class, and Marie had been playing on the board.

I saw what she had done, and I saw the way she looked at me. I knew it was going to be bad. She had drawn a square with a line horizontally through the center, and a diagonal line going from the upper left corner to the lower right corner.

"This is who Anisa has a crush on," she said in front of the entire class.

It was SO obvious that her "cryptic" symbol spelled out one name only: BEN.

I looked at the board in shock, and I was sure I could feel my face turning bright red. I wondered if anyone else knew. Please, God, let it just be obvious to me!!

"Ben?" asked my friend David. Shite. I knew that my "secret" would soon spread like wildfire. Marie smiled. Her work had been done.

Yes, my God, I did have a crush on Ben. No, I didn't want the entire school to know, but they did. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I was so angry at Marie, shocked at her betrayal. I don't really care that we were only fifteen at the time. Fifteen is old enough to know you're not supposed to tell who one of your supposed best friends has a crush on.

Amazingly enough, Ben handled himself with more dignity than most 25-year old men. He didn't have a crush on me, but he knew my embarrassment. He was nicer to me than ever, asked me to dance at the school dance and always said hello to me in the hallway, even if no one else was around. We had a knowing look between each other. We knew we were just friends, and he knew I would never say anything to his face about me having a crush on him. And I didn't.

My dear friend Deanna had to listen to hours upon hours of me talk about Ben. Bless her heart, she listened to each and every encounter. She analyzed everything, but she and I both knew deep down he didn't have a crush on me back.

But you know what? That's OK. My 9th grade crush treated me better than most other guys I developed an infatuation for. Well of course, except for Bert. But that's another story. As for Ben, that was a lifetime ago. I still haven't forgiven Marie. She did it with a mean spirit. She looked at me with her piercing eyes and had a sinister grin on her face that afternoon in English class. Mistakes are one things and betrayals are another. Yes, we were still friends afterwards, but I never fully trusted her again.

But I'll always appreciate that Ben didn't make me feel like anymore of a fool than I already felt. While the betrayal will never be forgotten, neither will the kindness. He'll never know how grateful I was to him for not making me a laughingstock in the murky waters of high school.

So here I am, a decade later. I'm married and I live hours away from the scene of the embarrassment. I'll never have to worry about anyone telling the world that I have a crush ever again. I'll go ahead and do it right now: "WORLD, I HAVE A CRUSH ON BERT."

And this time, my crush has a crush on me back.