Skipping Fights

One by one as all my friends from college got married, they all described marriage with the same word: compromise. I have now been married for almost 10 months, and I concur. There’s a lot of compromise and a lot to learn as a newlywed, but I think I’m doing a pretty good job so far.

There are certainly the classic tips on marriage, like picking your battles and not trying to change a person, but I think my husband, Bert, and I have come up with something that could be a marriage-saver for many. We skip fights.

Oh yes, we skip the entire argument. It works wonders. Take yesterday, for example, we had just worked out and I was starving and Bert’s calf muscle was cramping. We were in Wal-Mart and being snippy and difficult. There we were, in the middle of the sporting goods section, arguing. Over what you might ask? I really don’t even remember the details, only that I knew I was too tired to argue back and forth and I didn’t feel like coming up with any points to support how I felt. All of a sudden Bert said, “OK, you said you wanted to skip the last fight. I want to skip this one.”

Brilliant.

You see, we weren’t fighting about anything of real consequence. We were both tired and ready to go home and eat and relax, but there we were, stuck in Wal-Mart with our shopping list. The items all seemed to be at every corner of the store, and we were like a couple of cranky toddlers.

We actually choose to skip most of our arguments when one person can tell that what we’re doing is a giant waste of time and energy. Many arguments are pointless and you don’t even remember what they were about the next day. So, why not skip them and get straight to making up and getting on with your life?

All we have to do in order for this to work is that one person says they want to skip the fight and nine times out of ten, the other person agrees. Too much arguing and nit-picking can destroy a marriage; why spend all your time trying to make a point? We’re all right some of the time, and we’re all wrong sometimes too.

Since the fight was over, I could get back to what I wanted to think about. All I wanted to do was hurry up and get out of there so I could tear into my box of Cookie Crisp in the car. There I was, big smile on my face, mouthful of mini-cookies and happy sitting there in silence because my mouth was full, not because I was mad.