Icebreakers

Last night, Bert and I were at this cute little Italian restaurant. We figured it would be a fun, upbeat atmosphere since their big specialty is 1/2 price wine on Monday nights. That usually packs a crowd and makes for fun people-watching.

As it turns out, the people weren't very fun to watch.

First of all, this man at a table diagonal from us continually bored the couple he was with about stories dealing with the National Weather Service.

What?

I mean, it's one thing to say, "Oh my gosh! It's so hot outside!" It's quite another to try to get a conversation starting about the NWS. He talked and talked and talked, and his company looked painfully bored. At one point, we even overheard him say, "I've talked so much that I have hardly eaten!" I think the other people at the table wanted to kill him.

Then there was the couple beside us. The girl was dressed up and the guy had on a football jersey. Completely out of place. They seemed like they had NOTHING to talk about. She was focused solely on her breadsticks.

Then, there were two girls and a guy at another table close by. They would sit there in silence and stare at each other or look intently at the wood grain on the table. Every once in a while, someone would say something. And then silence again.

Then there was my date, Lurch. For some reason, Bert and I got on the subject of "The Munsters" vs. "The Addams Family." He proceeded to do imitations of Cousin It and Lurch. I almost fell off my chair when he said, "You rang?"

We were being silly and laughing and having a great time. We were obviously the only ones, but we didn't care. Yeah, sometimes we'll get in the car and we'll sit there in non-angry silence. We don't have something constantly to say. But there's SUCH a difference between comfortable and uncomfortable silence.

Don't you hate it when you're in an uncomfortable social situation? You're fighting for conversation, and you want more than anything to talk about something more creative than the National Weather Service. So, you use some icebreakers. You run a cross-reference in your head of everything you and the person you're with have in common.

About a month and a half ago, I was out with a friend. Usually we're Chatty Cathy's, but for some reason, the conversation was stale. She seemed like she enjoyed talking about her daughter, so I brought up someone I knew that had no discipline because her parents thought telling children "no" would stifle their creativity. I figured we'd bash their parenting style and have a grand ol' time.

She then patiently explained to me that she never told her daughter no. She said it was important to explain things to an almost 2-year old and not just tell them no.

M-kay. I guess that was such a great tactic because her daughter yelled constantly the entire time we were ever on the phone. I guess somewhere in that screaming she was expressing her creativity.

So then, I brought up a girl I knew that was eight and still slept with her parents. I figured she'd at least think that was a bit much.

My friend's daughter still slept with her and her husband. And my friend didn't show any signs of stopping. She finally conceded that age eight was a bit too old to be bunking with Mommy and Daddy.

Those are examples of icebreakers that don't work. I apologize if I offended anyone, but I guess I thought these were non-controversial topics that anyone would agree on. Kids have to be disciplined and parents have to have the bedroom to themselves once the baby is no longer an infant. We finally went back to our topic of choice - politics. We agreed on that, so we enjoyed a 2-hour session of chatting about all sorts of injustices in the world. The night was saved.

Today, I went to a fabulous lunch reception. I sat at a table full of people I didn't know. The conversation flowed. We mostly chit-chatted about where we were from and our jobs and all that jazz. I guess it's easier to talk to people at an event like that because you can find solace in the food. Discuss how wonderful it is. Shove it in your mouth. Whatever. Food provides a safety net in so many social situations, especially if it's people you hardly know.

I have been in many situations lately with new people, and most of the time it's easy to find something to talk about. Women love to discuss their in-laws. People love to talk about themselves...their job, their family, their latest vacation.

I remember clearly, though, one situation where no icebreaker was necessary. When I met Bert, we just sat on the couch and talked for hours on end. Truly he was my best friend after only knowing him for two hours. Our silences aren't awkward. Conversations aren't forced. It's like that with all my best friends also. We can talk on the phone for hours and never run out of topics.

I'm sure at some point I met some of my friends with what started as an awkward conversation. It may not have been riveting conversation, but I know for a fact no one ever felt the need to discuss the National Weather Service.