The New Second Date

So, we were all getting ready for Coldplay and enjoying dinner and discussing all the recent celeb divorces. And one of my dear best friends Deanna (see above) said what I think is the most perfect thing to sum it all up:

"When did getting married become the new second date?"

Really, think about it. There have been the following celebrity divorce/separation announcements this past week alone:

• Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney (married 4 months; seeking annulment)
• Jamie-Lynn and A.J. DiScala (married 2 years)
• Dermot Mulroney and Catherine Keener (married 14 years)
• Tori Spelling and Charlie Shanian (married 2 years and 2 months)
• Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush (married 5 months)
• Kathy Griffin and Matt Moline (married 4 1/2 years)
• Dean McDermott and Mary Jo Eustace (married 12 years...and yes, I didn't know who he was either, but he's an actor Tori Spelling has apparently started seeing)

I understand that half the marriages today end in divorce, so I wonder if all these celebrity break-ups are just a reflection of the state of marriage today. I would think it would make it harder to stay married if your spouse was a movie actor or a musician due to being gone on location and touring, but why does no one seem to think about this difficulty beforehand? Yes, marriage is hard work sometimes, but I can't help but wonder if the people who have been married a really short time really stayed around to try and work it out. Maybe so; I wasn't there.

Tori Spelling supposedly loves Shanian, but isn't "in love" with him. Now I don't know about you, but if I called my Mama and said that to her, she'd hang up the phone on me. She would've told me I had time to figure that out beforehand, and marriage isn't the equivalent of breaking up. It's much more serious than that. And I am very lucky to be "in love" with Bert, but I really don't have time to sit around dissecting my feelings for him. I just know that I'd be lost without him.

I applaud those men and women who left marriages due to abuse. I applaud those that really gave it all they had, but realized they couldn't stay and left for whatever reason. But, I find it hard to believe there was enough trying in all of these short-lived unions.

I know people make mistakes, but when did marriage become the new second date? Did many of these celebs really stick around long enough to know there was no chance it would work? Did they exhaust every option? Couldn't every marriage fail if no one worked at them?

Ah, well, I guess I shouldn't complain too much since these stories make my Us Weekly all the more fascinating, but I really do wish some of these couples would've had staying power.

I'm glad there are true love stories like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, who have been married for 47 years. And I'm glad I have been able to see other love stories in my own family, as my grandparents have been married for 47 years also. Theirs was an arranged marriage, but they've made it work. And they love each other. And they would be lost without one another.

And I can't help but think things may be different today if everyone had the same respect for marriage as them. I'm not saying every marriage can work; they absolutely can't. Each case is entirely different. But I think just about every marriage is worth sticking around to seeing if there's any shred of why you entered that union in the first place. And how can you do that in four months?

Believe me, after four months of marriage, Bert and I still had growing pains. I sure am glad we stuck around to see the other side.