Day One

So, here it is. Another year, another first day of fasting.

I can still remember my first fast. I was probably about 12 years old, and my mom would only let me do it for half a day. She even cooked me a special meal just for lunch. She was so sweet, acting like it was a huge deal that I hadn't eaten until 12:00 noon. After that day, I decided I was ready to do a full day's fast. And I've been doing them ever since.

Last year was the first year I kept them all. It was Bert's first year to fast, and he kept all of them, so I had no reason not to! I was so proud of him.

Ramadan used to be a time I dreaded. I thought about how inconvenienced I would be, not being able to eat and drink from sunrise to sunset for 30 days. I would have to keep my temper under control. I would have to make a conscious effort to be the very best I can be, as basically ever moment of the day is seen as prayer during fasting. Along with abstaining from food and drink, there are also five daily prayers to be done. It's very intense. And I find this is the first time in my life that I welcome it instead of wishing it away.

I joke about getting all my gossiping out before the first fast, but in actuality, this is a time I do use to cleanse myself. For me, fasting is like January 1 for most people. I feel like this is my month to get my life just how I want it to be. This is the time for me to be more centered and more grateful. This is a time for me to remember that each day when I am able to break my fast that there are so many that fast everyday and never break them. They are the poor and the hungry, and I must remember them during this month. I must do what I can to help them.

Muslims are not supposed to fast as a means of suffering. In fact, the Holy Qu'ran says:
Ramadan is the month during which the Qu'ran was revealed, providing guidance for the people, clear teachings, and the statute book. Those of you who witness this month shall fast therein. Those who are ill or traveling may substitute the same number of other days. God wishes for your convenience, not hardship, that you may fulfill your obligations, and to glorify God for guiding you, and to express your appreciation.

My uncle sent me the Prophet's sermon on the reception of the month of Ramadan. This brought tears to my eyes. Here is an excerpt:
O People!
Indeed ahead of you is the blessed month of God.
A month of blessing, mercy and forgiveness.
A month which with God is the best of months.
Its days, the best of days, its nights, the best of nights, and its hours, the best of hours.

It is the month which invites you to be the guests of God and invites you to be one of those near to Him.

Each breath you take glorifies Him;
your sleep is worship,
your deeds are accepted
and your supplications are answered.

It is words like those that remind me of why I fast and why I am a Muslim. In Islam, we are reminded that God said he is nearer to us than our jugular vein. The Prophet loved to quote this. For me, it is a reminder that God is close and he is accessible. And that I am not alone. For this month, I am an extra special guest of God. That very thought is so amazing that I cannot fully grasp its enormity.

This past year was a difficult one for my family, so I will be praying extra hard. I will pray for those in pain to stop hurting and find peace. I hope when all is said and done, I will be a better person in 30 days. I hope to be a better person--a better wife, daughter, friend and above all else, a better Muslim. I hope that the world will be a little better a month from now than it is today.

For the first time in my life, I am not afraid of who I am. I don't conceal my religion like it's something to be ashamed of. For the first time, I don't care what other people think about my religion. I will acknowledge the woman in the hijab in the grocery store. She will know that I am her sister.

I find glimpses of Heaven in the pages of the Qu'ran. I find peace as I bow down to my Creator. And I will spend this month showing God how grateful I am for bringing peace to my heart. I can't imagine a greater gift.