My Birthday Is Not 6/22/55

I thought it was funny when Bert received a letter from AARP saying he was eligible for membership. He's 29, so obviously he's not nearly old enough for their 50-year old membership requirement. I love to make fun of his lone gray hair, so this provided another opportunity to joke around.

But I did not think it was funny when they sent me a letter. First of all, they addressed it to my maiden name. Second of all, they said that their records indicated that I met all of their membership requirements. Now I get why it wasn't funny.

And what records?

Yeah, the records are so complete for the American Association of Retired Persons that they didn't have my legal name or my age. In what land would a 25-year old be retired? And how did they miss my age by 25 years?

Sheesh.

For some reason, this letter really got under my skin, so I searched and searched the letter for a phone number to call. There was none. What kind of association doesn't even include their phone number in a mail-out?

Anyway, so I got to work and I decided I was going to call them and ask me to remove me from their mailing list. I was going to tell them they didn't even have my correct name, and they were 25 years off on my DOB. Surely their number would be online, and it was.

So I called and they put me through to this automated system which I cursed at because it wouldn't connect me to customer service. After I used a bit of colorful language, the automated system asked if I would like to proceed without giving my membership number.

"Yes!!!!!" I screamed.

Finally a human was on the other line.

I informed her that I was 25 years old and the name that appeared on the card they sent me wasn't even my name anymore. She then needed ALL of my information to remove me from their mailing list.

"Why in the world do you show that I am 50 years old?" I asked.
"Ma'am," the woman replied mechanically, "Your name was sold to us by a company. They do not always provide accurate databases."

I wanted to scream.

This just really got under my skin today. I am not 50 years old. I am not retired. And I don't want any more paper wasted that says such. Why are they trying to rush me? When I'm 50, I'll join. Until then, I've got a big to-do list to take care of. Let me live years 26-49 before you send me another letter.

Why is no more of our information private? Why is it that we all receive gobs of credit card offers daily? Hey, America, I've got some ideas on how we can conserve...quit sending me junk mail!

So, Capital One, Discover, AARP and all you others, leave me alone. If I desire your services, I'll come looking for you.

But don't hold your breath.