Two Worlds

I had on black pants and a black shirt with a few sequins. They all wore sparkly Indian clothes. Nonetheless, we all broke our fast together. Most of my extended family was born overseas, so they have closets full of Indian clothes, while I have a limited supply. I wear American clothes every day, and have my entire life. But I couldn't help but think about my place as my husband and I drove home from breaking the fast with some of my family.

I came to the realization that I'm really not completely like either side.

My dad's family is all white. Many of my cousins have blonde hair. They work many blue-collar positions and they are from Mississippi. Most of the women work. They are my family and I love them dearly, but I know I am different in many ways from them.

On the other side of the family is my mom's family, which is Indian. Most of them were born in India and many had arranged marriages or met through matchmakers. Many of them wear Indian clothes and speak proficient Urdu. Most (not all) of the women don't work and they stay at home with their children that they usually start having shortly after they get married.

Here I am, somewhere in the middle.

I am half white, half Indian. I am a college-educated working woman. I share the religion of my mother's family. I didn't have an arranged marriage. I wear Indian clothes only for special occasions.

And so while I am not completely like one side of my family, both sides have aspects that I have come to hold so dear. A great example of this is the day of my Nikah (Muslim wedding ceremony).

When my step-grandfather on my dad's side showed up at my Nikah and gave me my grandmother's beautiful diamond ring, I was deeply moved. Here was this man, not my blood relation, hugging me and telling me that he knew he wasn't my biological grandfather, but he loved me like a granddaughter. He has many, many biological grandchildren, but he picked me for one of Granny Margrett's most precious possessions. And he will never know how much that moment inspired me to be a better stepmother to Ariana.

And my grandfather on my mother's side has served as a leader for our family. He is truly a genius, and has written textbooks and all five of his children have at least a Master's Degree. He is a gentle man, a loving and non-judgmental person. He has always told me that his house is my house. His love for me has never wavered, and he is so generous. When he got up to speak at my Nikah, the words could barely come out. Abbu was crying. To look at someone and know the depth of their emotion for you and know that you have made them proud is a wonderful feeling.

These men came from different worlds. One is completely Southern, and the other is from India. But in their own ways, they love me. I can take examples from both.

I can put on a sari and wear it with the best of them. But I can wear jeans too. I have a job and know that I can have children when it's time for me. And I have eaten the most delicious Southern cooking and Indian cuisine that you can imagine.

And I can move seamlessly from one world to the next. It sure seems I got the best part of the entire deal.

Celeb Reality

I thought it was just a normal day, nothing out of the ordinary. I was in the bathroom, fighting with my straightener, trying to get the hair on both sides of my hair to flip out equally. "Anisa," my husband called out, "Tom proposed to Katie on top of the Eiffel Tower this morning."

I was speechless.

TomKat has now become an officially engaged couple. Katie Holmes has also come out saying she is going to convert to Scientology, the ambiguous religion no one really knows about. All we know is they're very anti-medicine and some part of their doctrine is about aliens. Oh, and they have a Celebrity Centre where those of special stature can go and worship without dealing with the common folk.

As they've rounded the talk show circuits promoting their upcoming films "War of the Worlds" and “Batman Begins,” both have openly discussed their relationship. Both have had arms pumping, fists in the air and screaming and showing big, toothy grins. “I love this woman!” Tom Cruise shouted to a mildly frightened audience on Oprah. Katie smiled a not so coy smile when David Letterman asked if marriage was in the cards.

After their relationship became public in April, the have kept themselves in the media spotlight. Much like the doomed Bennifer, they thrust themselves in the public eye and wanted to make sure everyone in the free world knew their love for one another.

Does it matter that they have a 16-year age difference? I don’t think age really matters that much if it doesn’t bother them. What is a little off-putting is that Katie had a huge crush on Tom when she was growing up. She had a poster of him on her wall and dreamed of marrying him. After the dust settles, will she realize that her fantasy-come-true isn’t some epitome of perfection?

Naysayers point to the quick engagement. Yes, I also think it’s very quick, but I must admit Bert and I had already decided to get married after only 2 months of knowing each other. Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson moved in the same week that they met each other. I don’t think you can put a time limit on love. It’s just different for different people.

It’s not the age or the quickness or even the Scientology—I think marriage is definitely easier if both parties have the same religion. I think the problem is that they live in this place called Hollywood, where reality and fantasy blend together. Everyone is rich and beautiful. Beneath the glossy pictures splashed across every magazine on the newsstand, there are two real people. I’m not convinced they’ve faced reality just yet.

I believe real love is a bit quieter than Tom and Katie’s. The “I love you so much” and “You are the best in the world” etc. are the things people say to each other behind closed doors. Holding hands and smiling are sufficient to show the world how much you care. I have much respect for stars who get married as quietly as the paparazzi will let them. Love is something very precious, and something that if two people really have, they’ll want to keep for themselves.

Certainly there is an excitement when you have found your soulmate. You have a glow about you, a permanent smile on your face. The depths of your love can’t even be truly spoken in worlds. They are felt in the tender moments you share with that person. Those moments shared with the world take away from their meaning. It almost seems as if Tom and Katie have something to prove.

Proving your love and commitment to one another is something that you don’t have to do for the world to see. The proof is between the two people in the relationship, when they can sit together in silence on the couch and realize they’ve never felt closer.

Rocks

I was trying to concentrate, but the sheer size of the rocks kept distracting me. Not only were they big, but they were sparkly, like tiny stars worn on perfectly-manicured hands. It was Tuesday and I was at a Jr. League committee meeting. Two and three carat-ers abounded. And that was just the center stone.

Despite the distractions, I had a perfectly nice time and was glad to catch up with a good friend - one that is so busy that she literally carries around hanging file folders with her. I am serious - in her bag, there were hanging file folders. You too can get yours at Target.

Anyway, it was just an interesting experience. I feel like I am a part of so many worlds - the Jr. League world, the graduate school world, the working world, the Democratic world, the Muslim world and on and on and on. Sometimes my worlds don't exactly fit together in a neat little package, but that's OK - as long as I stay true to myself. I will probably never be a member of a country club and I'm certainly no WASP, but I am a hard-working educated woman. And even though my ring isn't the size of a golfball, it was paid for with love. Really, more like blood, sweat and tears from my dear husband working 100 hours in one week while finishing up his master's degree. That was many moons ago.

We go to parties and we go to graduate school and we go to work and we watch news at night and I cover my head when we pray.

And that's us. And I'm so glad it is.

Anarchy In Middle America

Last night, Bert and I went to see Shawn Mullins live at an outdoor concert. I absolutely love, love to see live music. There’s just something about seeing someone there on stage, really feeling the music. They’re off the radio and standing in front of you in an old t-shirt with their eyes closed and you feel more connected to music than ever before.

Bert and I had a wonderful seat in the second row. There were probably about a thousand people there, but most of the others were more interested in the Budweiser tent several feet from the stage. That left us with two seats to the left of a sycamore tree, very close to the stage. I laid my head on Bert’s shoulder, and as I looked up at him, it looked almost like a picture with the tree and the blue sky in the background.

And then I saw it.

You know what I’m talking about. It's our fellow human beings...the people of middle America. Concerts are the perfect place for people-watching. We noticed many people…the groupies, the homeless people…before the show really got started. As we took our seats, we almost immediately began to notice many others. One of the most memorable was Art Garfunkel, from Simon & Garfunkel, and Sweatband Girl, who were completely oblivious to the other people at the concert. When people have seats, what makes other people think they can just go and stand right in front of them? It makes no sense to me. However, what made less sense than that was the fact that the girl had a giant light blue sweatband pushed up around her left bicep and a small white one around her right wrist. After jamming with Art and discussing the benefits of organic lemonade, she switched the sweatbands around. They continued to smoke cigarettes like they were their life source and downed the organic drinks. Then they left. Then they came back. Art looked mad.

Of course there was a group of giddy high school girls. It made me shudder to think I used to bear any resemblance to these girls who practically attacked their friends with shrieks and hugs. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the group of girls who are desperately trying to pass for college freshman, and they’re present in any College Town USA. They have assembled their cutest outfits and thrown a fake Chanel purse over their shoulders. They walk around, their leader stopping to say many hellos along the way. They scream and hug a lot. Everyone around them is thoroughly annoyed at them, but all they can think about is how cool they are to be at a concert. Even if they choose to wear a normal bra with a spaghetti strap shirt, they think they look fabulous. They are having the time of their lives.

The girls stood close to the stage, only feet from their complete opposite, Anarchy Boy. This guy with his mom was in junior high and dressed in all black. He had on baggy cargo pants and a shirt with the name of a band that spelled their name using the Anarchy "A." When they played CDs before Shawn Mullins came out, Anarchy Boy knew every word to all the “angry” songs. However, after Shawn came out, he was dreadfully bored, happy only for the 5 minutes he had a fresh order of large cheese fries.

Then, of course, there was the family that the mom was trying to be cool and sing along to every Shawn Mullins song. She was wearing a low-cut pink top and her daughter looked mortified most of the time. Dad eventually came to join them, and he looked perfectly normal and like a banker except for his large Sponge Bob Square Pants tie. Dad and Daughter took a seat, while Mom stayed true to her groupie roots, dancing and singing while standing. She would make her mouth vibrate like Whitney Houston does during “I Will Always Love You.” Daughter looked at Mom. Mom gave daughter the peace sign. Daughter looked like she wanted to crawl under the stage and hide.

I will say, though, that the person I think took the cake was Sugar Daddy. Nope, I’m not talking about an old man with a young little trophy blonde by his side. I’m talking about a guy in blue and white striped overalls with a short-sleeved button up shirt that bore the Sugar Daddies logo. He sure must love that candy. As I opened my mouth to point out Sugar Daddy, Bert said, "I know, and no, I don't have an explanation." We sure got a kick out of that one.

I leaned back in my chair, my head on Bert’s shoulder. I looked around at all the people we had noticed, and how most of them looked like they were having a wonderful time, lost in their own worlds. I had a big smile on my face, and thought about how Shawn Mullins summed it all up in his first song: “It’s just life…it’s just life.” And I am so glad to be out there living it.