Good Luck, Paris!

So, Paris and Paris are engaged. While this pairing will most likely fall apart, it made me think about marriage in general. As I near my 10-month anniversary, I thought I'd pass along a few things I've learned already. If you're married, you may get a kick out of some of these and nod your head in agreement. For those of you headed to the altar, I hope you can take a little something from my advice.

• Marry someone that you love to talk to.

Mama always said this to me. She was right! You will spend more of your time talking to your partner than anything else. Marry someone you truly see as your best friend and want to hang out with. Think about it...you will be hanging out with this person every single day for the rest of your life. Make it someone you don't want to be without.

• "A lady in the street, but a freak in the bed!"

Yes, I know I took this phrase from "Yeah!" by Usher feat. Ludacris and Lil' Jon. Basically what I take this to mean is that keep the fire burning! Make your sex life a priority. Spice it up sometimes. Don't forget that stage when you were dating and couldn't keep your hands off each other. I guarantee if you make this a priority, those "butterflies" you felt when you started dating won't go away. And that is a wonderful feeling. However, people also have to remember (as Oprah said) that foreplay doesn't start 5 minutes before "the deed"...it starts when you wake up. Treat your spouse with kindness and show them that you love them. Make the other person feel wanted and desired all the time.

• Don't expect a lot of changes!

Marry someone you like just the way they are. People do change somewhat, but you have to pick and choose what you want them to change. I, personally, hated Bert's eyebrow ring when we started dating. That's OK...an easy cosmetic change is not difficult to make. You can spruce up their wardrobe or get them to take off that dreaded male jewelery. Sometimes we have to teach them that a watch and ring is all that's acceptable. However, if they do something that really gets on your nerves or is a personality trait, don't expect it to change. I'm hypersensitive...that's just part of my personality. Bert is argumentative. That's just us, and you must learn to embrace the quirks of the other person.

• Go on dates.

They don't have to be planned for such-and-such date of the month, but do go on dates regularly. It's important to nurture your relationship by taking time for yourselves to just be together and talk. Don't forget the joy of holding hands...don't get caught in the day-to-day rut of work, dinner, TV. Don't forget to talk to each other!!

• Pick your battles.

Not everything is worth fighting over. So what if they never replace the toilet paper? And, ladies, learn that men have an aversion to putting things in the dishwasher. They absolutely will put them in the sink all the time. Don't yell about something like that or when you really are mad about something, they won't listen. Many things are worth letting go. And besides, who wants to fight all the time?

• Find the simple pleasures.

Marriage changes a relationship because it just become regular, everyday life. Relish the fact that you wake up beside the person that you love. Enjoy having someone to discuss your day with. You have to look at the daily grind and find things to be thankful for. I am so thankful for simply having someone to share my life with. If you do this, you will fall in love over again every day.

• Don't compare your relationship to your friends' relationships!

This is a big no-no and an easy way to become paranoid. So what if so and so just bought a $200,000 house or has sex 5 times a day? It doesn't matter. You are you and they are them. You never know the whole story or how much people exaggerate. Love your spouse for who they are. And don't discuss every detail of your marriage with others. Keep things special and private.

Well, although Paris and Paris have little chance of making it, I hope all of you do. Marriage is hard work, with lots of compromise. But I can truly say that if you marry the right person, that is almost a guarantee to a wonderful life. After all, what good are our sorrows and joys if we have no one to share them with?

A Memorial

So, it's almost Memorial Day. I know that normally when I think of Memorial Day, family get-togethers and cookouts come to mind. But this Memorial Day, I have stopped for a moment to reflect upon what the day is really about. I found on a website that said Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service. I remember living in DC and walking past the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial for Memorial Day. I went with a friend and we were in awe at all the people that had come to pay homage to their loved ones who had died fighting for our country. The wall that is the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial seemed to stretch forever on this particular day, and I could feel tears rolling down my face, knowing that to this day, no one knows why all those soldiers had to die. We think of the bravery and the sacrifice that they made, but we don't often pause to think how they must've felt as the breathed their last breath. Life is so precious, and I think we are often too quick to put our brave men and women on the front lines.

Memorial Day, for me, is also a time to remember loved ones that have passed away. And on this particular day, I want to tell you about someone who meant a lot to me...that I only met once. Her name was Anise.

I was seven years old and I was in India with my family for my uncle's wedding. My mom had a lot of family still in India at that time, and we went with my grandmother to see her mother and the home where she grew up. There sat my namesake, my great-grandmother. She was blind and had beautiful green eyes and white, white hair. In Urdu (the language spoken in that area), my grandmother told her who I was. Her hands were dark and rough from work and she moved them across my face. "Buhoth piari," she said, meaning "very pretty."

Maybe I didn't realize it at that time, but thinking about it now makes me realize how precious that moment was. Here were 4 generations of my family...all together. It was a powerful moment, and there is a picture of all of us in my parent's house. I often stop to look at it, so grateful that my parents took all of us to that wedding so I could have a glimpse into my heritage.

I will always feel a kinship to her, even thought I met her for only a very brief time. I am so proud to be named after her. I hope to live my life as a living memorial to those, like Anise, were strong Indian women before me.

My Soapbox

Today's post is simply a collection of random thoughts running through my head. For those of you that blog, I am sure you have also noticed a dramatic increase in thoughts of no consequence. You find yourself pondering things you never thought about before. Anyway, this is my blog and my soapbox, so here goes! Let me know about your thoughts too! :)

• The Runaway Bride does not deserve to go to jail. I think jail should only be for people who pose a threat to society. She does not and just needs to pay the fines that were spent in her search and receive psychiatric treatment.
• How in the world did Carrie win American Idol? Bo was awesome!
• Tonic water is delicious.
• Why is it when I have a movie on DVD or VHS, I never watch it, but when it comes on TV, I do?
• The male peacocks are the ones with the big beautiful feathers. Is this why men spend 10 minutes to look amazing and women spend an hour? Is this in our DNA? Why do we have to put forth so much effort? Female peacocks should be the beautiful ones.
• How come every time I take out garbage, there is always more to take out? And why is there always so much laundry? Is it possible to catch up on housework?
• I hope the drycleaners still have my blue dress.
• I hope I get to go swimming this weekend.
• Why does our government support torture of those not proven guilty? I don't get it.
• If we were truly a civilized nation, we wouldn't fight with other countries. Civilized people are able to talk to each other rationally.
• I am obsessed with Coldplay. I am SO excited they're coming to Atlanta in September!!
• Less than one month till my birthday...yippee!
• Animals scare me.
• We are going to sit in Atlanta traffic forever tomorrow. Ugh.
• QT is the best gas station in the world.
• Bert passed the PRAXIS!
• We had fun with our friends last night.
• I can't wait to see my family this weekend.
• I am too celeb obsessed. My blog name is even taken from "Access Hollywood."
• I'm hungry.
• I keep thinking it's Friday, but it's not.

Well, that's what's running through my head. I hope everyone has a great day!

Oh, Television...

I watch such a random array of shows because I hate watching TV in a different room than Bert. I think I am just lazy and don't want to get up and walk the 10 steps to the bedroom. Anyway, he LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to watch poker and blackjack on TV (please somebody, make it end!!), and he's pretty good about watching "Entertainment Tonight" with me, as well as most reality shows I beg him to watch. Anyway, for some reason, last night I was adamant that we watch "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic."

Holy lordy. Maybe this is why he questions my taste in television shows.

First of all, I highly doubt either of them know what the word chaotic means anyway. This is the second installment of the series (FYI: the premier re-airs on MTV tomorrow) that documents their relationship. This is what I've gathered: they have sex a lot, they're horribly immature and a little too real. I don't know about you, but part of the luster of celebrities is that we don't know everything about them. I don't really want to see their home videos; if they want to give an interview here and there, great, but don't become so real you seem like someone I know. Britney is a redneck and Kevin is a greaseball. They're both nice enough people, but I don't want to watch them suck each other's faces off.

It really is funny how much TV has changed. There used to be constant talk shows and before that, it was news magazines that were so big (like Dateline, Primetime, etc.) and before that it was nighttime soap operas (Dallas, Falcon Crest, etc.). Now, reality rules the airwaves. I guess regardless of what we say, we have been sucked in to seeing how others live. As much as I say I hate it sometimes, I just can't take my eyes off the TV. Maybe it just makes us feel better about ourselves. I guess, though, if we really think about it, we'll see that people, regardless of their celebrity, are very much the same. Many of us have insecurities, we want the companionship of a significant other, and we want success in our personal and professional lives. We have conflict and joy, failure and success.

I don't think that I would be starstruck anymore because I have seen so much personal stuff about celebrities that I don't think there's anything "magical" to these ultra successful celebs. The only thing I'm struck by anymore is to see happiness and success in my friends and family. Now, that's something to admire and be in awe about.

Behold the Wrath!

Today I'm having a "mad at the world" kind of day. I am irate right now at Tom Cruise. I think he is stupid. He came out against Brooke Shields saying that she should've taken vitamins instead of anti-depressants for postpartum depression. Thanks, Dr. Scientology...He went on to say there is no proof emotional disorders exist. Hmmm...I think most of the medical community would disagree.

What an idiot. How dare he say postpartum depression isn't a real disorder that needs medication! WTF?

I guess I'm glad Tom said stupid stuff because I have someone to channel my anger into. OK, Blogland, I will tell you why I'm mad. It's because I can't control other people's reactions. I have decided if I could have a superpower, it would be to make people act the way I want them to. You know, people that are just plain mean and you're nice to them and it does no good. I would make them nice to me.

Sometimes people hold grudges for a lifetime and with my superpower, I would make them let it go. Why do we waste so much time bogged down in garbage? I wonder how much time people truly waste thinking about things of no consequence, inventing problems and feeling sorry for themselves.

These people who seem to have so many problems are people that just sit and wallow in self-pity. They are the "woe is me" types. I say, get over it. Everyone has problems. Pull yourself together. Please, I don't know anyone who doesn't have problems. You can't go around your entire life blaming everything you do on something besides yourself.

Thanks for letting me vent, everyone. Poor Tom Cruise. If I run into him today, he's gonna get it! :)

Thank You Party

Well, I just have to tell everyone that the sweetest thing EVER happened to me this weekend. I woke up Sunday morning and my stepdaughter had thrown me a "Thank You Party." By the way, I hate the word stepdaughter. I read her Cinderella this weekend and I hate it that this whole "step" thing is supposed to be terrible. It just reinforces the idea that you're a "step" away from being a "real" something or another to that person, and that's just stupid. Anyway...

I woke up and she had thrown me a party. I said, "What are you thanking me for?" She handed me a card. In little 6-year old scribble it said on the inside, "Anisa, Thank you for taking such good care of me and Daddy. Love, Ariana." She had used her precious glittery fairy stickers on the outside, and I could tell she had taken special care to write very neatly with her markers. As soon as the "party" was over, I asked my husband why he did that for me. He informed me that it was her idea and she made all the cards and decorations herself. He had not come up with or encouraged the idea. I couldn't believe it.

It's not always easy, but I will say that it is events like this...the cards, the family portraits of us that she draws, that make our time with her so special. For 29 days out of the month, it's just me and Bert. But on those 2 days a month when she is with us, someone else comes before myself 100% of the time. She has no idea I learn as much from her as she does from me.

It is my wish that as she grows, she will be able to turn to me for things that can be difficult to tell others. I have been very close to my aunt, and I hope we will have a similar relationship. While I'm not ready for children of my "own," (lose what little is left of my figure already? hah!) I am very grateful for the time we are able to spend with her. I guess we're both lucky to have found each other.

It just serves as a reminder that every relationship and friendship doesn't have to be dissected. Sometimes people come into our lives and we have no idea why. All I know is that it's nice to have someone to put a little make-up on and to read a bedtime story to. Many of you may have a child yourself or a stepchild or a cousin or a niece/nephew that looks to you in such awe. It certainly is a nice feeling, and one that leaves me with the responsiblity that I want to give her someone to look up to. And although she's half my height, I look up to her as well.

Scared Senseless

I.am.scared.

OK, so I've started to recover now, but I really think I should put myself on permanent scary movie probation. I say that now, but eventually I'll forget and put myself through 2 hours of torture, which has on occassion led to entire weeks of being petrified of being by myself, completely scared senseless. I'm really not exaggerating...I think I inherited this from my dad. He is probably the bravest person I know, but he can't stand to see a scary movie.

Last night, Bert & I watched "White Noise" with Michael Keaton. The premise of the movie is that those who have "passed over" can communicate through technology such as static in the radio or white noise through a "snowy" TV. Maybe I should back up...I didn't really watch the movie so much as I had my face buried in the couch and I said every 15 seconds, "What's happening?" This one didn't traumatize me as much as most, but when I got to work and turned on my radio, it cut out for probably 2 seconds. Two seconds of sheer torture...I knew dead people were trying to communicate with me. Thankfully, Rob Thomas' new song came on and I was able to end my completely ridiculous train of thought.

I guess scary movies do their job...they scare the crap out of me. So, as an ode to these movies I have a love-hate relationship with, I have the a list of the trauma caused to me by some scary movies I have seen. These movies did their job!!!

• "The Exorcist" - I prayed to God every night for at least 2-3 nights I would never become possessed. This caused paranoia in me, which finally went away in time. You would think I would know that was stupid from...
• "The Amityville Horror" - I saw the old one and woke for 3 nights in a row at 3:30am, just like the man who was possessed in the movie. He would wake up at the same time every night. Again, this movie resulted in nightly praying that I would never become possessed. I was completely terrified. I began to feel I was developing OCD. I then realized I was acting completely insane.
• "The Sixth Sense" - Holy lordy. I about peed my pants at the end of this one. For about a week, I was scared to close my eyes in the shower because I thought dead people were everywhere. My mother finally broke me of this by saying, "Anisa, so what if there are dead people everywhere? Have they bothered you yet?" Good point.
• "The Ring" - This one was horrible for me, and I never saw "The Ring 2" because of it. I lived by myself at the time, and on the tenth night, I kept staring at the TV. I couldn't get the image of that scary girl out of my head. I went out with friends a lot during that time because I didn't want to be home alone. It was so scary!!
• "Copy Cat" - For at least I week, I would continuously check to make sure Harry Connick, Jr. wasn't hiding at the foot of my bed to kill me.
• "Candyman" - I was just plain scared. You'll never hear the title of this movie come out my mouth more than one time in a row. Just thinking about it gives me chills.
• "The Grudge" - This movie near about gave me a heart attack. I, again, was scared to close my eyes in the shower and even in the bed! I kept thinking the scary Japanese woman would appear above me and kill me. I gained solace knowing it had scared many others senseless. Luckily, I had rented this and watched the "extras" at the end, so I got to see the scary people acting regularly. I hightly recommend this technique for helping to keep the trauma to a minimum.
• "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" - If I could turn back time, I wish I had never seen this movie. It scared the s*** out of me. I am not kidding. I really didn't even watch this movie. I think I can recall about 6 scenes. Those scenes were watched through a slit in my hand while I was covering my eyes. I was completely petrified and could hardly sleep.

There have been more, but I can quickly recall these because they scared me so much. Why I put myself through this torture, I have not a clue. But you know what? I'm sure I'll do it again and get soap in my eyes from a shower I can't stand to close my eyes in. Will it be worth the agony? You betcha.

Creature of Habit

I went to eat lunch today at this neat little restuarant that I had only been to one time before. I had the most delicious food last time I was there...black bean stuffed crepes. I have thought about them and knew if I ever went back, I would get those again. As I walked into the restaurant, my mouth was watering thinking about the delicious crepes. I am one of those people that when I go somewhere, I most often get the same thing every time. At Mexican restuarants, nine times out of ten, I order a chicken enchilada, beef taco and rice. At Wendy's, I always get a cheeseburger. There are restaurants all over that I had something really good one time and I get it again and again. But today, when I was at The Last Resort, I thought "what if I'm missing out?"

There it was...black bean crepes on the menu, but noooooo, I had to go and get crab cakes. I thought, I should branch out and try new food. Maybe I'm really missing out on some good stuff! They were pretty good, but a little too mayonnaise-y and onion-y for me. OK, so they really weren't the best. So, basically I sat there for an hour thinking in the back of my head, I should've ordered the black bean crepes. So, I figure, is it really so bad to be a creature of habit?

No way, I have decided. At least I'm satisfied every time I finish my "regular" at restaurants across the Southeast. I think that whole mentality has spilled over into my regular life too. I love routine. I do the same thing every morning, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am very much a list person, a routine person. So, maybe I might miss out on something or another along the way, but I don't really care. If you've found something that works, why change? So far, I'm pretty happy with how things are going.

You can bet next time I'm at The Last Resort, I won't even need a menu. I'll know exactly what to order and exactly what to expect. And I'll be perfectly satisfied.

Phonecrastinating

So, this morning I was watching "The Today Show" while getting ready. And yes, I was running late...as usual. Anyway, one of the segments was about people who had submitted words to Merriam-Webster that they thought should've been included in the dictionary. One of these words was:

phonecrastinate (v): to put off answering the phone until caller ID displays the incoming name and number

Katie Couric admitted she always waits until the caller ID displays the incoming name and number. I had to look within and now I must admit, me too! For those of you with caller ID, you know it becomes like an obsession. You MUST know who's calling. Why is it? Do we have to become mentally prepared? Are we screening? I know for me, it's mostly a reflex. I don't know the exact reason, but this makes me wonder, is this the sign of a bad friend? No, I don't think so, because I either a) answer the phone or b) return the call as soon as I can. I am not the kind of person who doesn't call back. All this thinking about caller ID and screening calls has me wondering...when does our telephone behavior cross the line into being a "fair-weather friend?"

So, this is what I've come up with:

A good friend

• usually answers the phone, returns calls and returns emails (may even take a while to return a call if going through a crisis/insanity at work...we're all human!)
• doesn't give you the feeling you're "being screened"

A fair-weather friend

• seems to always be out of pocket and difficult to reach
• makes you feel like they added caller ID to their telephone package just to avoid you

So, while, yes, I am a phonecrastinator, I am not doing it for any reason other than a reflex. As most of you know, I have always loved talking on the phone! And no, none of us are perfect, but friendships are such a precious thing. We should nurture them, which can especially be tough after college!

I have gone through difficult times (haven't we all!) and have really found out who my true friends are. So, here's to you, wonderful friends...thanks for answering the phone even when you knew you were going to be on for 2 hours with the latest drama!

So, I guess I will be talking to many of you soon...after I check the caller ID, of course...

:)

Endings

You know that feeling after all the presents are opened on Christmas morning? It's that feeling that really hits right after lunch, when all the festivities are over...

You think to yourself, "That's it?"

It's always disappointing when something's been built up so high or you've spent so much preparation gearing up for something and then it's over. The bar has been set so high that nothing can truly satisfy that expectation. Or maybe it's just the sadness that something you've been looking so forward to is over. After all, half the fun is getting there, right?

Well, I'm sad The Bachelor is over. Laugh if you will, but I've looked forward Monday after Monday to watching strangers make complete fools of themselves in the name of love. It's mindless entertainment, and I am more than happy to watch!

I know The Bachelor is not a metaphor for life, but it does make me think about endings. I've had more than my share lately, and it really is no fun.

I think the biggest lesson I've learned is to not wish time away. Don't always count the days till Friday or till your birthday or until the series finale of your favorite show or whatever. Those days will come. I am learning to appreciate days as they come and moments as they pass.

"If only the next season of The Bachelor would start" or "If only my birthday was here so I could see if I get an iPod"...nope. I'm not waiting for it. I'm waiting for the small joys of everyday life. I'm in no rush to say goodbye again.

Celeb Obsessed

OK. I think I really am obsessed with celebrity gossip. Those of you that know me know I love celeb dirt, but I think it could be becoming a problem.

When I think of this past week, immediately the following thoughts come to mind:

• Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney married Monday
• Seal and Heidi Klum wed Tuesday
• Allegations continue to be raised by Corey Clark against Paula Abdul

These are my milestones of this week, not what happened in my personal life or at work. I am more concerned about these surprise weddings and who could be the next celeb couple to tie the knot.

Last week, I was concerned with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. "Do you think they'll make it?" I asked my husband. He is such a good sport, pretending to care. But by the look in his eyes, he couldn't believe I had asked this question with such seriousness. I like to pick fights about Brad and Angelina. Why do I care?? I hate Angelina...shouldn't I reserve this level of disgust for someone that has wronged me personally? I also wonder why Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are not friends anymore...did Nicole really show Paris' sex tape at a party she threw that was supposed to be a party for Paris' Saturday Night Live debut? Or are they jealous of each other? Why can't they just tell me??? I NEED to know!

They are influencing my wardrobe too. Is it wrong that I have on a green tunic today with my beaded gold hoops? Maybe not, but I wonder if I would even have this Bohemian-inspired outfit on if I hadn't read about it or seen it on a celeb. Am I losing my sense of self?

I guess this obsession is really pretty harmless. On the other hand, maybe not. When I read that Britney and K-Fed (as US Weekly likes to call him) barely came out of their room on their honeymoon, I wanted to know WHY did I leave my room? Why did I go out to eat? Why did I walk the streets of New Orleans looking for antiques? Should I have stayed in my room, too? Then this makes me paranoid. Bert had to remind me that if these people want any privacy, they can't leave. Furthermore, they vacation in villas on tropical islands; we are in hotels in the city. And did I really want to sit in the room with out clothes strewn everywhere and a soaking wet bathroom floor where I poured too much bubble bath in the jacuzzi and flooded the bathroom? I guess not.

When I found out Will Smith surprises Jada with "Valentine's Days" throughout the year, I promptly informed Bert. Bless his heart, two weeks later in the middle of March, I had another V-Day.

I guess I have to remember that my real life, although not as glamorous, is a life they could only hope for. I didn't have to have a "secret" wedding...I was able to shout it from the rooftops. My husband didn't cheat on me with terrible Angelina Jolie. I am not at odds with my best friend. My personal joys and pain are able to remain just that...personal.

And I even get extra Valentine's Days.

Thinking in Blog

(originally posted on Multiply)

I can see this blog thing might be a problem. You see, after I sent out my very first blog yesterday, I began thinking in blog. Every random thing that took place...I felt compelled to share. I began emailing Bert in "blog," feeling the need to make cute quips and share with him things he probably didn't care about.

I'm obsessed.

Yesterday, I accidentally crossed out the dates on my calendar until Friday. It has been driving me crazy. See? You don't care...but maybe, just maybe, someone else has that level of OCD and can understand I feel the week has been stolen away from me...all because I crossed out all the dates.

Whew. What a load off! :) hehehehe

Seems the Bachelor is a hot topic!! I am in TOTAL agreement with those of you that think the 3-hour finale is a bit much. I think it's pompous. I mean, I love the Bachelor too, but come on! Three hours is something I can barely dedicate to anything besides sleep. OK, maybe shopping. But to a reality TV finale that will only end up being another broken relationship on the cover of US Weekly? I think not.

Anyway, thanks all of you for letting me get my "thinking in blog" on paper...er, the Internet.

Till next time...

Hello from Anisa!

(originally posted on Multiply)

Hi everyone! OK...I'm not quite sure how this all works, but this is my very first blog! I didn't even know what a blog was for sure till today!

This does seem like a good way to check in with everyone, though!

OK...I think this is the part where I share my "random" thoughts (as that is what a blog consists of!)...

Hmmmm....

OH! I have one. I hate police. Today, one almost ran into me! I swear it wasn't my fault. I had the left arrow and they took a right on red and almost plowed into me. No remorse from them OF COURSE. And also, when I got into the parking lot of where I was going, everyone was walking SO SLOWLY. Does anyone else scream in their cars?? My road rage is an issue. :)

OH! I have one more. (This is very therapeutic). I HATE SARAH W. For all you Bachelor fans, I know you'll agree. If anyone wants to bash her, email me. I'm your girl. For those of you that don't watch it, she was dumped by the Bachelor and said that she was DISCRIMINATED against because of her beauty, like it was racism or prejudice.

WHAT???

Anyway, that was my first blog attempt. Coming up with random thoughts is a little harder than I thought! Everyone, please keep in touch and come visit Athens anytime!!!